I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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