Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
