she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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