meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
