Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
