have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize