my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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