she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
