i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
