Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
