Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
