Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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