her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
