I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
