Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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