i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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