I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
