So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
