im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
