Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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