whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
