I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
