I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
