i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
