wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
