Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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