the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
