Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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