just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
