I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
bring money and cleavage
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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