why do cheetos always look like penises
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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