Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
