and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
