Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
