Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
