Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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