I CAN MOONWALK!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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