If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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