he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
