ya dads aren't the best wingmen
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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