I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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