i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We had sex on a dog bed..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
