its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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