using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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