im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
