She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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