The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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