Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Pooping to opera.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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