you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize