What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you had me at cake vodka
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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