great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
