I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
well you can't waste a boner
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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