I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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