After last night, I could never be a politician.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
