I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
