Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
