It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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