You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
