I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
