I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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