Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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