she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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