yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
