Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize