Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
