There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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