i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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